Friday, November 7, 2008

Filial Or Infilial?

Tonight I am going for a wake service again. In this one month, I have attended 3 wake services, one in church, one in a funeral parlour and one at her own home.

Uncle Liew was in his 80s, he had been staying a nursing home for the past 8 years or so. He was partially paralysed, he couldn't feed himself and always in a wheelchair or in bed. His wife is still around but she is not able to take care of him, she is in her 70s now and alone in the house.

Uncle Tham was a widower, he was alone in his own house when he fell and died. No one knew that he had died until one day later. All along he had heart problem and he stayed at a town house, climbing up 20 steps of stairs daily. His relatives had advised him to a single storey house but he just wouldn't want to shift out.

Auntie L was also in her 80s. She had 9 children ... all along she had lived with her eldest son but for the past 2 years, her son put her in a nursing home because she couldn't walk and full care and attention was needed. She was broken hearted when her sons, one by one, didn't want to accept her into their homes. Lately, she gave up LIFE..... she just wouldn't want to eat anymore, didn't want to talk to anyone.... during her last breath, her son came to fetch her back... she was finally at home... a little too late....

Sorry to bring in the solemnity of this post. I am just wondering... is putting away our parents in a home make us infilial... or letting them stay at home but with no one to look after, a better choice?


  1. That is really sad, Claire but it is what's happening these days. We live in a very fast-paced world, many people are so busy that they just dont have time to care for their old parents that's why they put them in nursing homes for other people to take care of them. I think it's a matter of perspective, whether the act is showing no gratitude at all or it is actually an act of kindness. I believe every situation is unique and that there is no definite right or wrong answer to this question. Personally though, I would want to take care of my own parents.

  2. yeah this is really very sad...I wonder where I would be when I got old too, but for me, I wouldn't want to leave my mother on nursing homes when she got old...I would rather spend more time with her while she's still around with us. I'm afraid to regret not to do my best for her!

  3. I am sure most of us won't want to put our parents in the nursing home if we can help it... As for me, I don't dare to say I will be with my mother all the time to take care of her. I really do not know, if financially secured and I dont have to work, then it is a different matter.
    It is very subjective but I know I will not leave her in a nursing home if it is against her wish...

  4. its reality. some did this to their parents.
    but for me, i hope i could serve my parents till the end. If God's will.

  5. the idea of sending my parents when they became incapacitated or almost helpless will NEVER cross my mind. They were the ones who gently took care of you not only during your tender years but until they could. It's not only social but also our divine obligation to take care of them when they get old. Sending them to nursing home is, to my mind, synonymous to abandonment.

  6. we hear such situations all the time in singapore too. and we too worry that one day we might end up as the old parent that our kids will not want to care for too.

    i watched the sg show Money No Enough 2 and it brought so much tears and emotions. that said, where I used to take only once a year trip back to see mom, i'm taking another trip back this dec.

  7. Very sad indeed. From where I live, we do not put our parents in nursing homes. Instead, most of the Filipino families take care of their parents until their last breath.

  8. that is very good to hear, Josh.. in my country, now more and more nursing homes are put up to cater elderly and sick people. Those days were unheard of, perhaps nowadays, std of living is higher and both parents have to work to hv a more comfortable life and thus, neglecting their old parents. It is difficult to say whether it is right or wrong to put their parents in a home... depends on situations actually.
    Sad as it is...I also dare not expect anything from my kids... it would be best if they can look after us but on the other hand, if they were to put us in a home, what can we do or say?


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