Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Which Hurts More?

Two sad cases in two different kinds of situations and yet something in common...

Which is more painful?

To have a husband whose heart is torn between two people, his wife and girlfriend...


Not to have a husband because he is not in this world anymore....

Last night I was asked ... "How long did you grieve for your husband?"

In fact, this was not the first time I was asked... and each time I try to call... I cannot find the answer to this...

Frankly, grieving or mourning for someone does not stop abruptly, it can go on years and years, the thing that matters more is how to overcome the grief and stop wallowing in self-pitiness. The initial stage or the beginning is always the most painful to bear because of the big change in my life as it is something unexpected. If you ask me now how it was then, I really cannot describe.. there is really no stop to grieving, the feelings of missing that person arises anytime of the day...

Now I feel really sad for someone who is on the verge of having a marriage breakdown... she asked me this question, how long did I grieve... I did not answer her because I know deep down, she is having this hurt inside her and I cannot tell her it might take forever to overcome the pain... someone whom she loves and trusts... has suddenly rob her of her happiness and family.

Which is more painful? My situation of being a wife who will not see her husband anymore in this earthly world or her situation who can still see her husband but his heart belongs to someone's else too.....


  1. I feel for the woman who has lost her husband because of a third party... The woman who has lost her husband in death still has all the memories in tact. And her self esteem too. But losing a husband due to another party is different. It has different challenges with it...

    A third party always makes things complicated and more painful...

  2. it is always sad to hear a marriage on the rocks, and humans being humans are always weak in some things...

  3. it's so sad to hear when people lose someone because of death but at least you guys were together until his very last breath. i feel more sorry for the woman who'll lose a husband because of another woman because it means that somehow, the love is fading and getting bitter.

  4. both cases lead to one common impact to the afflicted ones--PAIN. however, the difference in there perhaps is on how the one who's feeling that pain cope and deal with it without totally losing her self-esteem as a person.

  5. can't bear to say some cheeky comments in this one... action speaks louder than words.. *hugz*

  6. Hi, for me to have a husband whose heart is torn between two people, his wife and girlfriend is the more hurts more...

  7. difficult question claire. hard to answer. But this post is touching.

    god bless. and thanx for visiting my blog, now im payng you back

  8. I havent married and never lost someone in death. But I know such pains. Experiences from others can educate us a s well. For me..the more painful is to live alone.

    When you lost someone you loved -death I mean..you know he/she love you just the matter of he/she have to 'go' first. The last thing to remember is how strong the love we have together

    If husband 'main kayu tiga' the last thing we remember is the pain and hurts... yes..I think this is more hurts..

  9. The "lost" to a third party hurts more. Cos all the memories will be bitter & unhappy.

    While "lost" to death, still will recall good times together, though sad.

  10. I would think the woman who loses her husband to someone else hurts more, IMHO

  11. losing someone, be it due to a third party or death is equally painful. both hurts, both makes you go wacko...but life goes on. what to do?? pray to God for comfort and wisdom.

  12. I believe both are just as hurtful. And in both situation, the woman needs to be strong to keep on going in life. Losing someone you love due to death, nothing much that you can do about it. But losing someone you love to someone else, I believe there must be reasons causing this to happen.

  13. sad to read this post...well, women suffer this kind of this situation must strenghten their strenght for the welfare of the children...pray harder

  14. It really doesnt matter. to hurt or to be hurt, to grieve or be grieved, really it doesnt matter.

    Sometimes we lose in the choices we made, sometimes we still lose with the choices someone makes, it doest matter.

    Sometimes we vanguish over the things we have control over, but sometimes we still vanguish over the things we have no control over, it really doestn matter.

    The conclusion is to live for today, to learn from yesterday, to have hope for tomorrow.

    to surrender to things we have no control over, to fight for things we can have control over.

    take care now, you are one nice lady

  15. thank you to u all for commenting and voicing out your views on this post... all your comments are edifying and i really hope my fren will not get too depressed and stressed up over this sensitive matter...

  16. Losing something or someone is painful when we are holding them close to our hearts.

    If we hold money close to our hearts and we lose them, we will feel pain.

    If we hold someone close to our hearts and we lose them, we will feel pain.

    Only by letting go and embrace the outcome, we will truly be free to live and love again.

    2 Samuel 12:15-24.
    David lost a son and he mourned for him. But when his son had died, he rose and ate again.

    Embrace the past and look forward.

  17. .... I wrote a lot just now on which 1 I choose...after reading my own comment twice...I think I cancel it...its not easy to give the answer.. ;-) (Its like seeing 2 love one drowning in the sea...who you want to save 1st.. your son or your daughter? )...auchhh....hard to say.. ;-)


Thank you, readers!

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