Sunday, June 7, 2009

A Touching Visit

10.30am, me and girl followed Tam to visit her mum at a nursing home in Pasir Puteh. I haven't seen my fren's mum for a number of years, she is in her early 70s. Upon arriving, at first I couldn't recognise who her mum is until Tam pointed out to me a lady who was sitting on the rattan chair under the ceiling fan.

I was taken aback for a moment when I saw her, her mum was moving her limbs uncontrollably, her hands was in awkward position, her legs moving up and down non-stop. Tam told her mum to slow down her movement on her limbs but her mum replied, "do u think I want to move them? they r moving by themselves, it is not me who wants to move my limbs!"

This is signs of Parkinson disease... sigh.... it is a very sympathetic sight. Due to overdose of medication, her limbs now have no control, I mean her brain has no control of her limbs. They are vigorously moving non stop, her mum is like being operated by a Battery. Once the medicine wears off, she will be very limp, her body will bend over like a ragged doll... according to Tam.... a very pitiful sight....

While we were there chatting with her mum, a man with 2 teenagers came in, I guess to visit one of the elderly ladies there too. The young girl called out "Ah Mar" (paternal grandmother)
At once, the old lady sat up on her bed and I noticed her face brightened up at once. The joy of seeing the grandchildren showed on her face. She beamed so widely, her eyes lighted up and she chatted non stop with them, like time was so precious seeing her love ones visiting her...... (oh gosh, I was so kaypor, right?)

After we bid our goodbyes to Tam's mum, I couldn't help shedding some tears.... I couldn't control, my goodness... Tam saw them, she said she was like me last time....

It is not because of her mum that I am shedding tears, it is because of the scenario of the grandmum and her grandkids.... Her face of joy and happiness when she saw her love ones was still embedded in my mind. How would she feel when they left her later? Why is she not staying with them? She looks physically fit to me...... then Tam told me that we must always listen to both sides of the story before we make a conclusion.....

Tam then told my girl.... "It is good that u come and visit this home.... see how pitiful these old "aunties" are... remember, don't send your mama to these homes, OK?"


  1. Dear Claire, you have a nice, caring and loving heart. Keep up the good post. :) Have a nice week. ;)

  2. thank you Chua.. hope i do have those criteria.. :)

  3. i have one grandmother now. she's real old now.

  4. then do visit her as many times as u can, Richard.. old people really look forward to seeing the young...

  5. touching real life story.... sad to see old folks being sent to nursing homes.

  6. thanx for this post claire. u reminded me to go visit my grandma this weekend when i'm back in malacca...

  7. so very sad to see our loves one spend their twilight years in an ocean of uneasiness and suffering.. and we cant do much to help them..but when u think of how much problems these difficult people have given you.., well ,at this moment , right now, you still have to tame your mind and remind yourself this..'let bygone be bygone.'.the past is the past. so, tonight i took my difficult lady out for an expensive dinner..

  8. I can just imagine the scenario and my heart felt a slight pinch. She needs a more often visits from her loved ones.
    I'm happy that I can blog more often now since I got my own desktop, no more rantings for me and waiting period just to take a few minutes to check my mails. I'll be visiting here always.

  9. ya, don't send the old folks to the homes, unless they are a danger to themselves and need 24 hr supervision and health care which cannot be provided by a maid when the breadwinners need to be at work. it is a sad ending otherwise.
    that said, some 'big' children are so irresponsible to their old folks that they are the danger to them instead. in those cases i think the oldies should be taken care of in a home.
    two sides to every story indeed.

    in all, i hope children will be compassionate in their hearts when they think of what their parents have done for them.
    good post.

  10. I will not make any conclusions or judge others for sending their mums to nursing homes... as i have written, we need to know the real situation.. and i agree with misty, if our mums need health supervision and we cannot provide for her, we have no choice BUT if we can afford to have a personal aide by her, we can always opt for the latter. I dont know, i m in no position yet to give any views.. I am just relating what I have seen yesterday and was deeply touched by the scenario with the grandma and her family coming to visit her. When i imagine them going off later, she must be feeling the pang of emptiness and loneliness again...

    watching TV to while away the time is meaningless for the old folks..
    what are they actually waiting for in the home? There is only one answer... right?

  11. When we're all alone with not many people to talk to, we would really appreciate any visitor regardless of age coming to chat with us. ..and if you're old and sickly, the feeling of loneliness is even more intense.

  12. My grandma stayed in nursing home last time also... the old folks there are really pitiful.

    * Where's your chat box? I can't find it!

  13. I pray that when my time comes, I will just drop dead!...I dread falling sick - not so much because of the suffering but the nuisance I will become to other family members.

  14. most of us wish for that too.. that is called "good death"... just vanished from the earth in a nick of seconds..

  15. That story made me recall the time before i left Miri for good. I wanted to do something good before I leave so i plan to arrange a magic show for a charity. We visted a few, including the hospital, day care of the physically impaired and finally old folks home.
    What really touched my heart is when we visited the old folks home. One of the old folks came out to welcome us in. I can imagine how boring it is to be there. We chatted for a while.He told me about his life and how he lose his chess partner not too long ago. There and then I decided to arrange the magic show for them.
    During our second visit, we brought some food stuff. During that visit, as usual, a few of them recognised us and rushed out. When I told them I have brought something for them, they eagerly helped us to offload the goodies.
    After making arrangement with the magician, we left Miri. I felt good and I hope that will open up my dau's eyes on old folks.
    I learnt from the magician later that he put up a good show to entertain them.

  16. wow..that was touching, Bean.. that was very nice of u...
    what i did was nothing much... i joined my church members to go to the nursing homes last time, to play and sing some songs only...
    i don't know how to interact with them much that time... now is different.. i hope i can refrain my tears from falling.. i was surprised at myself that day... after seeing them, i dont mind visiting them again whenever i can... it is a meaningful visit...

  17. I miss both my paternal and maternal grandma.. they both loves me so much.. :) Its a pity for them no longer be here with me, or else they sure be happy with the arrival of Princess... :)

    Oh ya, I used to go old folks home and orphanage last time, think can only do that again when Princess gets older :)

  18. You are very caring...great.

  19. yes..hope to let our kids realize that it is sad to leave the old folks there.. but sometimes we really have no choice...


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