We've all joked about the “old married couples” who bicker all the time over every trivial issue, but little tiffs can be just as harmful to a relationship as larger fights. Bickering has a way of wearing down the goodwill that exists between a couple, and makes every little interaction feel irritating. Fighting with your spouse enervates you mentally and physically! Sometimes we bicker because there are larger issues we’re trying to ignore. Sometimes it's because we don't know effective ways of communicating. Sometimes we don't even realize how badly or frequently we are arguing. Whatever your particular reasons, a therapist can help you cut down on your bickering significantly.
Fighting isn’t the only sign that something is not synching in the communication with your spouse. Sometimes it can seem like there’s no possible way you and your partner are both speaking the same language. What you think you’re saying is so far from what your partner thinks they heard, and vice versa. Couples therapy can help you understand the differences in your natural communication styles, and can teach each of you to adapt your style to work better together.
It’s easier to work with couples who decide to intervene before the damage is really great. With a therapist's help, you can break negative cycles, discover what's causing conflicts and distance, and restore a connection that may feel frayed. Perhaps most importantly, it helps couples identify and remember the strengths of the relationship and why they fell in love with each other in the first place.
You bicker endlessly
Does every conversation turn into an argument? Many couples wait until the fighting escalates before seeking out therapy. Some couples sweep this starking issue under the carpet and avoid communicating with each other altogether. Do not wait until another blowout happens to seek out help. Many couples have essentially strong relationships but they get caught in a volatility cycle that leaves them depleted and distraught. Sometimes it is a circumstance that break up couples, like financial woes or when a child is gravely ill. Think of the sniping and bickering as a symptom (like a lump on the neck that won’t go away) and seek out help before it escalates into a major disease, for example, cancer.
Don’t Wait, Get Help Now
If your marriage is having problems, you definitely should not wait too long to seek professional help. The longer you let your relationship turn cold, the deeper the damage it is to your marriage. It may be hard to find the right counselor with the skills to help your relationship, but they are out there and willing to help. There are ways to find a counselor specializing in marriage or couples therapy. You may have to meet with more
than one to find the right fit.
If you think your marriage is on the rocks, do not wait till it is irreparable, i.e. when the both of you have totally fallen out of love with each other. Wait too long to seek help after challenges crop up, and bad habits might cement in place, along with resentment and anger. That’s a very toxic place that’s difficult to undo. Be sure to find professional couples counseling or attend a marriage course or weekend experience as soon as warning signs manifest.