Sunday, January 10, 2010

An "IN" and "OUT" Law

Its 3.47pm now,we just came back... Many relatives from my in laws side came, most whom I didn't know nor recognised. They also don't know who I am until my SIL introduced me as her late brother's wife...most of them would say, "oh, kids so big already..... " I just smiled and nodded my head...

Yes, it has been more than 13 years since my husband's demise, my girl was only 2 then and never have the privilege of knowing him or even remembering him at all, except through his photos. She only knows her grandfather who doted and pampered her in all ways.

My MIL stays with my SIL and my BIL is not from IPOH. I am the only DIL here in ipoh and thus at times, I do things my way instead of following FIL's ways. That is why the conflict at times and eventually led to some "silent treatment" at times.

Despite all of this what I meant to say is... FIL loves my kids very much... He is their number One Grandfather... and I... I am an In and Out-law daughter.


  1. In or Out you are a daughter alrite.. Take care Claire.. hugs..

  2. I agree with that lost submerryn up there. IN of OUT... you are a daughter.

  3. Oh Claire,
    I was just thinking how you are?
    *sigh* It is tough I know.
    You were such a young widower and hey, you are only human, no less.
    You know most times, we do not like each other but that does not mean that WE LOVE EACH OTHER ANY LESS,right?
    I dare say this....YOUR FIL showed his LOVE AND APPRECIATION through loving and caring for your children, his grand children, don't you think? I think so.
    You seemed to be very TORN that you think you ill treated your FIL. However, I bet THE SILENT TREATMENTS were MUTUAL as that was the best way both you and your FIL coped with each other. Dare I say this, Claire? Learn to forgive yourself, I am sure your FIL has already done that. Learn to now live without him by celebrating his life and be so blessed that HE CHOSE TO SPEND THEM WITH YOU AND YOUR KIDS.
    Have you have a good cry , say prayers for him and take one day at a time?
    My prayers are with you.
    Be blessed.

  4. my deepest condolence claire.

    never experienced what you've gone through, but i'm sure you're hell of a great mother and hell of a great lady! i salute you.

  5. I hope u still be close to yr in-laws lor...try to make effort to be with them more ..

  6. I understand how you feel Claire. We live in an annexxe just off the side of the in laws' main house. So you could imagine what's it like here at times. Like you, I have my own ways and i'm quite stubborn to give in to the ways of others. The thing is, if they were our parents, we'd just tell them off and make up later, but we could never do that to the in laws because they are not our parents. And like your in law, mine really love my children as well and they would spoil them whenever there is chance to do so.
    So dont feel too bad Claire. We are ALL in the same position with the in laws one way or the other. I can tell you thousands of stories from my friends who have very similar experience with their in laws. It's the way of the world. They are very funny species. Takes years of understanding and yet there's always more to learn about them.
    Despite all this, hope all is well with you. Take care.


  7. It's only natural when people have to live together. Even husbands and wives have to give and take - they cannot have everything their own way...and when leaving with old people - even if one's own parents, very often, the young ones will just have to give way. It is not so easy for old people to change... But amazingly, when it comes to the grandchildren, anything goes... Well, he's gone now. Let him rest in peace...and pray for the repose of his soul.

  8. *living with old people, even with one's own parents...

  9. i hope u r doing well ya by the time u read this comment..

  10. nothing quite like can go without seeing them for years and when you do get together it is as if you have never been apart.

  11. Hi are the best DIL he ever had and I believe he knew you are the best that is why he was always there pampering your kids. He was no doubt the No1 grandpa for Aaron, Andy and Fernie and you are the best DIL for him. In or Out doesn't matter.

    Take care.

  12. I don't think I can live with the in-laws for too long. We always have differences. Differences mean clashes.

  13. well, don't worry too much. Just be yourself.

  14. I think you are doing fine with all the in-laws. Take care. Children are a blessing and they help to bridge the gap all the time.

  15. Again, my deepest condolence Claire. All I can say is that you are a fighter! Soldier on! :D

  16. Wah... so many IN but good for you that the connection still ON.. :)

  17. Oh wow.. I am quite curious with the statement 'In and Out' thing hahahha... but I think I get it.. as for me.. I am blessed with a very kindhearted in laws.. but no matter how good they are for sure got some conflict sometimes.. hahahha.. No body perfect right?? ^_^

  18. Blood is thicker than water. His grandchildren are the product of his son's and your love. I'm sure FIL loved you too. :)

    Take care ya.

  19. It sounds as if your children had a wonderful grandfather. How fortunate. Sending you a big hug!

  20. thank u once again for all your encouraging comments..

  21. Well,sister you made yourself a good DIL,and so the children see and they will make you the proudest mom,,,ya.

    Take care now,and have a great week ahead

  22. I'm sorry to hear about your FIL demise.

    The older generation have different ways in showing their love to the people close to them. As he's such a wonderful granddad, I'm sure he loved you through your children. I guess you, being the mum of his 3 much-loved grandkids, is already enough for him.

    Take care alright.

  23. Grandad and grandma sure love little grandkids! Sorry to hear about your FIL


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